airing my dirty laundy

 "Airing your dirty laundry" As I pondered the true meaning of this I began to get a visual of what exactly it would look like to have all your stained and soiled clothes hanging up on a line for all to see. It would be shameful for any "dignified" housewife to do such a thing. When company comes we hide away the mess that life brings, making sure that all who enter know that our "mess" has been cleaned and washed away. We pray that they will not wonder in the back room or open any hall closets...because we know what may be hiding behind those tightly closed doors.
There is a certain similarity in the shame we feel over our literal "dirty laundry" and the"dirty laundry" that was actually being referenced. Somewhere along the line...so to speak...we find ourselves just as desperate to hide all our dirty little secrets as we do all the other "unappealing" and "unacceptable" things in our life. The problem with secrets for me is the lack of accountability that they bring. Secrets often give us the excuse we need to continue to pile it all away...hidden amongst years of guilt and unresolved emotions. I guess we assume that out of sight is out of mind....but really...the mess we've made never truly does leave our mind. The ever expanding mess eventually bursts out of it's secret hiding place...often at unexpected and inconvenient moments. Surrounded by it all at once makes it just that much harder to pick it all up and yes if discovered by others even harder to hide it all away again. We are forced then to deal with all the garbage that has dropped in our laps whether we are ready to or not.
Hoarding has been defined as the excessive collection of items, along with the inability to discard them. What they acquire would appear to the outside world as unneeded or seemingly useless. Their disease often isolates them from outsiders who do not understand their compulsive need to be surrounded by items that bring them a strange since of comfort but ultimately in the end bring them shame. In comparing again the commonality between the physical and physiological we again can see a disturbing likeness in the two. We can start to see how we also can become hoarders of our secrets...hanging onto each one with an apparent inability to discard them. We are filled with shame but are to proud to ask for help...to let it all go. Our secrets often make us feel isolated, feeling that no one else could be experiencing what we are. It is the walls we put up to protect ourselves that has caused this "house of lies" to be built.We have created the appearance of an ideal life that has never been lived. By sugar coating and understating what trial and tribulations we have is doing such great injustice to those who follow down a similar path. We give them a false hope and unrealistic expectation of what is to come.
In my life I have appreciated the true and brutal honesty that I have received especially when it comes to parenting. Hearing what others had experienced gave me the opportunity to equip myself with some of the tools I would need to deal with those every day messes. Knowing that it wasn't going to come easy and also knowing that all the great and wonderful moments that happen in between would give me the strength to get through all the rest. I guess knowledge truly is power. Knowledge alone however does not supply me with all that I need to survive...it's not enough. The power of prayer has drug me out of some pretty dark and dingy moments in my life. God has blessed me by surrounding me with open and honest individuals. It was them that kept me from feeling isolated from all those "I got it all together" Moms. Out of my appreciation of all that they had shared I decided that I too would not be afraid to tell the truth. To let others know that I have failed and will continue to fail just as they will. To continue to "air my dirty laundry" if it means someone else will be helped in the process.  After all..to "air" is only human...or maybe that's "error"...either way...I know I will continue to do it;)
Before "hanging this up to dry"...(yes I know...to much)...I did want to share the amazing healing I have experienced since beginning this blog. I have never felt lighter. God has truly taken what I once saw as an ugly mess and turned it into something beautiful. He has used my "secrets" in such a way that I never thought possible. Every week I am held accountable to the testimony and commitments I have made. It has caused me to really look at myself...to look at and see what I had been trying to hide from. There it is...in black and white...I am now an open book...well with a few important closed chapters;) I also want to share that I do not write to claim to have all the answers or in hopes that my self-proclaimed faults would be contradicted. I do not write for approval but write to gain understanding for myself and for others. Truth...and all that it holds...has begun to set me free...and so I pray
Lord I thank you for allowing me to come to understand the freedom that can be found in letting go of what I once kept hidden away. One by one Lord I am starting to bring my secrets out of the dark and dealing with each and everyone. Lord I pray for your continued strength as it is not easy to look at all of it each and every day. I thank you Lord for your forgiveness. What an amazing power to forgive and forget. Lord I know that it will be my memory of my sins and struggles that will cause me to be able to recognize it in those who may struggle with it too. Lord please help me to be a light...to be a witness...to be a friend. Lord I know that I can only do these things through you...with your guidance. I love you Lord...amen

To My Valentines

Annah...I love the way you greet each morning with your beautiful smile. I love your sweet spirit. I love the way you sing each song as if you know each word. I love to hear your little giggle and see your little dances. I love your courage and your spunk. I love to kiss your cute little cheeks and even your tiny toes. I love your cuddles and I love your hugs. I love you...my sweet baby girl...I love you to the moon..and yes then right back to you.

Jonah...I love your adventuress spirit. I love that you are always looking for answers to all your many...many questions. I love your sensitivity and your kindness. I love those beautiful blue eyes that you got all on your own. I love your enthusiasm for life and all that it brings. I love your strength and your confidence. I love just how much you remind me of your Daddy. I love you...my sweet baby boy...I love you...whole bunches and bunches...and then a little bit more.

Joel...I love how safe you make me feel. I love your loyalty. I love your incredibly contagious laugh. I love your unwavering faith. I love the way you love our children and the way you love me too. I love our history and I love our future. I love to hear you sing and I love to see you smile. I even love how much you dislike "cheesy" holidays like today...and how you still take time to celebrate it because you know it means something to me. I love you...my love...I love you

speak softly

speak softly
be kind
love them
forgive them
speak softly
they hear you
no need to shout
show them control
think before you speak
speak softly
lower your voice
choose your words
restrain yourself
speak softly
teach them 

quietly
tenderly
compassionately
speak softly  
practice patience 
don't forget
take a breath
make your point
speak softly
ask yourself why
ask for forgivness
ask again and again
let it go
speak softly

home making

 Home Making I have always loved the term home maker because that...in fact...is exactly what you are doing...making your house a home. If you stay at home or venture out...all of us still remain...our families "home makers". I have been thinking a lot about the things that I have made most important in my home. All of us have our own gifts and talent that we are able to infuse our homes with. There is no "Home Maker Mold" that we need to squeeze our self into. Each of us brings something different to the table...so to speak;)  It's important to use our own strengths and remember how important it is to use those for the sake of our families. For me one of those things is my creativity. Whether it be creative ways to save time and money or creative projects and games for my children...creativity is king for me. As you may know for many "creative thinkers" organization and strict scheduling  is not a strong point. I am one of the many. My "free thinking" attitude has occasionally brought a bit of craziness into our home. I decided it was time to take the negative and turn it into positives...without loosing what makes me...me in the process. Here are just a few areas that I plan on getting a little more "creative" with.
Frugal Living I believe the economy has hit everyone in one way or another. We have been so blessed to be in a situation where we feel very loved and taken care of. My husband as many of you I'm sure know is an incredible worker and has been an amazing provider for our family. Recently I decided that it was time for me to work just as hard to find ways to make what is brought home stretch a little further. While looking over and dissecting my monthly spending I discovered so many places that I had just been...well...wasteful. Just in the simple disorganization of our monthly bills and office paperwork money was lost amongst all the hidden fees or even the occasional late payment. I could not believe that I had let it get to that point. Just in this last month I have been able to save over a hundred dollars by making a few phone calls and canceling unwanted services and changing policies. It was however a little bitter sweet due to the fact that I had waited so long to make those simple changes. Along with the organization of our finances I have also been trying to organize our family meals. I have yet to set this new plan in motion but am confident that it will also make a difference in our monthly spending. In planning our meals I am able to plan for the amount of groceries that we will need for that week. I have also realized that I have been overlooking the almighty coupon which is something I plan to remedy soon. Along with all the ways to save I have also discovered ways to bring a little cash in without sacrificing my life at home. Consignment stores have not only helped organize and de-clutter my home but have been a place to earn a little cash back on all those unused and unwanted items. I was amazed by the amount I was able to earn by just simply dropping it all off. As I'm sure you have read I am also taking my "junking" habit and turning it into a little cash as well. These challenging times have left everyone trying to find some creative ways to stretch a little a long way. I hope that all that I have learned will stay with me when Lord willing the challenge is no longer there. 
Organized, Clean, and De-Cluttered Home  Although the progress of simplifying my home as not gone as quickly as I would like I am beginning to see a light at the end of the tunnel. With each new step towards a clean, organized and de-cluttered home I feel the burden is getting lighter. I do realize that in order for my home to stay this way I will have to arm myself with tools and techniques. I have found that it is not easy for me to stick to daily schedules and so I am trying to come up with a more flexible way to stay on track. I once read of a woman that would schedule all deep cleaning  for one day and would try to do it in a certain time frame. Think "Hotel House Keeping". Although intense I believe this may be the solution to my scheduling disasters. Of course through out the week I would have a few daily chores and quick clean ups but the bulk would have been done. We will see how it works...I'll keep you posted;) Another factor in keeping a clean and organized home would be having a place for everything and putting everything in its place. Sounds simple but for some reason it's not. Creating spaces for those things takes time and a lot of thought....Deciding what to make room for and what to get rid of. I have discovered that containers are my friends. Having a visual of just how many I have of something is wonderful. I don't even realize how much I have collected until it's all in one spot. Another realization for me has been that some clean up projects require a day without the kids. I have found myself so frustrated when what I spent hours trying to sort has been mixed up and moved around. So I have learned that I need to make time...set a date...get it done! I have also learned that I need to lower my expectations of what I can get done in a day. I need to embrace the "one drawer at a time" method...especially if I have those not so helpful helpers at home;)
 Family Time  With the "Camping Season" only a few short months away this means one thing for my family...a lot less family time. Unfortunately it is the nature of the ministry. We have yet to master a balance in our schedules. I am sure my husband feels pulled in a million directions. Everyone is looking for his time and attention. I hope by using a little creativity and a bit of effort...I will be able to schedule in some much needed family time. We hope to take a little time this summer camping with friends which will be such an amazing retreat for all of us. Along with time with Daddy I am really wanting to try to make more time for one on one with my children. It is that I have not spent enough time doing. I forget how much it means to them. I also want to spend a lot more time allowing my children to pick our activities for the day. I'm sure I have good idea of what they might choose but I love getting to see their excitement when they get to be the "Child in Charge" for the day. Of course I cannot forget in all of this the...importance of one on one with my husband. This proves to be the hardest things to schedule in at this time of year. By the end of the season I am so ready to have him back;) I do hope that this year we can both make time together a priority...even if it means having to be incredibly creative with our date nights...Dinner for two surrounded by a hundred campers...maybe;)
 And so...whatever kind of "home maker" you are I hope you will join me in embracing just who that is. To remember how valuable your skills and strengths are to the daily lives of your families. Your home is what you make it...make it to the best of your ability....and so I pray...
Lord I thank you for my family and for my home. I pray that I will be able to infuse it with all that I am. I pray for my children to see through my example that you gave us our gifts to be used for your glory and in your name. I pray that I will not waste what you have given me. Lord I am so grateful for my husband. I am grateful for the way he provides for our family...with his love support, and yes in our finances. Lord you have designed us in such a special and unique way. You have given us each a responsibility to our family and for our home. I pray that you would let me see where I can continue to provide for my family...with the gifts you have given me. I love you Lord...amen

let a little sunshine in

 Although I love so many things about the winter months the closer I get to spring the more I realize how much I long for the warmth and life that only it can bring. I have learned to enjoy and take away something from every season but this may be one of my favorite times to get out and look around at nature. I am a firm believer in the necessity of getting out and enjoying the fresh air. Exploring nature and all that it has to offer. Even in the cold we bundle up and go on a few short walks but nothing beats those first few moments of spring when you get to see nature waking up from it's long winter nap.
We are so very blessed to live in the environment that we do. Getting outside to explore  nature is just a matter of opening up our front door. We live along a beautiful river and are surrounded by so many gorgeous old growth trees . The forest behind our home is filled with many varieties of plants, bugs and of course some very cute "woodland creatures". I can not think of a more incredible place to live then where we are at this very moment. What better place to "grow" a family then right in the middle of where "growing" comes naturally;) 
 At this present moment in time both my children enjoy getting outside to explore. Annah is not quite as thrilled about the getting dirty part but still loves to take in the scenery. Jonah on the other had is all about discovery and if it means digging through the dirt or climbing a tree to find it...he's there. I love getting to be a witness of all that he has learned.
I realize that not everyone gets the opportunity to live on a campground and it is often more difficult to find great outdoor spaces to take your families but the importance of getting your family out to explore is still there. Research has shown that getting a little fresh air is indeed important for those little growing bodies...I guess Mom was right. Overtime there has become a disconnect between children and nature. I have come across article after article stating all the benefits to getting kids back outside. One organization and website in particular that I have found has lots of useful information on the subject. The organization is called the Children and Nature Network. The have several links and additional sites you can click on to get all the information you could ask for. They even list different ideas and activities to try to get your family out and ready to explore..."No Child Left Inside"
As I'm sure you guessed this subject is something that I am indeed very passionate about. I am a product of a home that stressed the importance of playing, gardening, exploring, and what ever else you could find to do while outside. I learned so many lessons that I never would have had the opportunity to learn if I had just stayed inside. I believe that the most important lesson for me was to learn to love nature and all that it has to offer....it is a lesson I hope to continue to teach my children...and so I pray
Lord, What an incredible world you have created for us to explore. I thank you Lord for providing such an amazing opportunity for my family to get to explore just a small piece of what you have created. I pray that you would help me not take this opportunity and blessing for-granted. I pray that you will also remind me of the importance of taking care of what you have given to us to enjoy. We love you Lord...Amen