melancholy

 I must say I have been truly struggling to write lately. I was able to start many posts but found myself unable to complete them. I have allowed my spirits to get low and my creativity to run dry. I wouldn't say there has been a particular reason for it but somehow I have found myself feeling a bit humdrum...a bit...melancholy. My motivation to yank myself out of this funk has been lacking as well. It is not as if I enjoy feeling this way but am struggling to find the energy I need to make a change. I have found myself just simply going through the motions of my day...with out thought...with out much care. Simple interruptions of my day have been unwelcome and have caused a great amount of irritation. 'Can't they see I'm just trying to get through this?' Instead of just simply asking for help I decided to instead enter my daily chores with bitterness and even resentment. I guess you could say...in truth...I have been feeling sorry for myself.  It is so frustrating finding myself back to this frame of mind time and time again.
There is a song by a musician that I love that has been popping into my mind as I begrudgingly go about my day. A piece of one of the lines from the song seemed to fit my current mood...and it goes 'We all know someone who’s always hurtin’ The sun is shining...they draw the curtain....' That was me. Somehow at some point I decided to shut out the light and go sit and pout in the dark. Of course looking at it now my behavior seems ridiculous...even childish.
 So what do you do when you have realized that you have just wasted a good amount of time on making yourself feel unhappy?  I guess since there was no true reason for it in the first place the answer should be simple. Laugh it off and move on. There is another line to the song I had mentioned before that I believe will become my mantra for the next few days...and it says 'I keep on laughing to keep from crying . I keep on dreaming to keep from dying. I keep on trying. Ain’t gonna stop. Get right down to the bottom of the barrel. And then you float back on top'  So here's to gettin down and risin up....and so I pray...
 Lord, How silly I must look to you at times. Like an unruly child I have shut out your light and sat in my own darkness. Please forgive me Lord for wasting all that precious time on myself. I pray that you will help me to shed this shadow of "depression" and shine my light. I love you so much Lord....Amen