the ant hill

 As a young child my family spent a lot of time in Eastern Oregon. I loved getting to explore all the new things that the desert had to offer. One of my greatest fascinations were all the giant ant hills that I would find while on my hikes. I had been warned by my Grandpa...who was a great observer of nature himself...not to disturb what the ants had worked so hard to build. Temptation however got the best of me. Looking around to see that the coast was clear I kicked over a corner of the hill. I looked on as the ants scurried around frantically. Soon I became bored...as most children do...and turned to walk away. As I turned around I saw my Grandpa standing behind me. You see not only was my Grandpa a great observer of nature but was also a great observer of people...unfortunately for me at the time. I waited to hear what he had to say. To my surprise he calmly redirected my attention to the ant hill. "You see how long it takes that tiny ant to carry that tiny stone back to the hill? Imagine the time it will take them to rebuild what took you just seconds to knock down...and for what? Just a few moments of entertainment." Ashamed of what I had done I looked on wishing there was some way to repair it. I asked my Grandpa if there was anything I could do. "No...You see only the ants know how it should be built. Each stone has it's place. Hidden under what appears to us as only just a pile of rubble are many intricate tunnels that can only be designed and made by those tiny little ants." It appeared that time...in this case...would indeed have to heal all wounds.
 What always seemed to amaze me about my Grandpa is how often he would seize a moment and use it as an incredible illustration. He could have easily just scolded me and walked away but instead he stayed and took the time to teach me a lesson that has continued to stay with me all these years. He was an amazing teacher and I feel so privileged to have been able to learn so many incredible life lessons by his words and by his example.
 Most recently my thoughts came back to this lesson as I began to really listen to my own words and the way in which I choose to say them to my family. I began to see how with each harsh word or impatient criticism my carelessness was slowly knocking down what I should have been helping to build up. God has placed these intricately designed little creations in my path just as he did that ant hill... for a reason...a greater purpose...to teach a lesson that will last more than just the moment it would take to knock it all down. Unfortunately being unaware and unintentional at times with my words has proven to be a much harder habit for me to break then I had hoped. This is where time...and some much needed prayer...will again have to be the healer of all wounds and of course of all of those bad habits. But I will press on...practicing patience and adjusting my attitude...Trying to use all the "little" disciplinary moments that I can throughout my day, as a opportunity to teach a much "bigger" lesson...for my children and yes even some much needed lessons for myself. 
 I cannot of course end this without the acknowledgment of the other member of my family that is in fact very affected by my attitude. I heard recently that a criticism is really just a bad way of making a request. I started to reflect upon all the many "requests" that I had made of  my husband. Remembering all the eye rolls and muttered complaints. I mean how many times do I really have to pick the towel up off the floor...right in front of him...in the most overly dramatic way possible...before he will just realize...Yep...I could start to see how true this statement really was. To make a simple request should be just that...simple. No need for dramatic effects or added guilt...just keep it simple. It seems that lately I have been spending more time requesting things of my husband and forgetting about some of his emotional needs. I will say that discovering what those needs are can often be difficult since my husband unlike myself will often "suffer in silence". Sadly I believe...at times...that it is his unreactionary response to my occasional tantrums that fuels the flames of my fury;) I continue to kick down an already crumbling argument until I receive the satisfaction of a reaction...a response. I could continue to go on and on about the reasons in which I do this but perhaps I should save it for another day. I will say that like the ant hill often this moment of satisfaction is followed by a lot of guilt and regret. To often I forget how important it is for my husband to also hear words of encouragement and praise. His confidence and his strength often cause me to think that he does not need me to say what I believe he already knows. The fact of the matter is that no matter how well he weathers the storm on his own...or how quickly he rebuilds after I have knocked him down...he still desires my love and my admiration...and this is something that I plan to continue to build upon for years to come...stone by stone.
You see...so many lessons...out of one little ant hill....and so I pray...
Lord, I thank you for the incredible people you have put in my life. I have learned so much from each and everyone. Lord please help me to remember to seize the day...to take advantage of all the opportunities that you put in my path and to learn from them. Lord I know that you have designed each and everyone of us in a special and unique way and only you know how to truly put us back together again. I pray that you will continue to work in my life as you always have. Lord I pray that I would learn to control my tongue and my temper. I pray Lord that you might also remind me of another lesson in life a learned very early on...Oh be careful little tongue what you say...oh be careful little tongue what you say...for the Father up above is looking down with love...oh be careful little tongue what you say...amen