to my two followers

I just would like to take a moment and thank my two amazing followers. I cannot tell you how much of an inspiration the two of you have been to me in your openness and honesty about all things parenting. I really do appreciate you taking the time to hear the little things I have to say. I know that I still have so much to learn and I would always love to learn a little more from the pair of you. Thanks again you two...and of course thanks to all the rest of ya;)

quite and still

"We need to practice being quite and being still. We practice so when it is time to listen we will be ready to do just that...listen...listen and truly hear what is being said. Sometimes God asks us to be still and quite too so we can hear him speak to our hearts. If we aren't ready to listen we might miss something he is trying to tell us." "Mama, God must have a pretty quite voice. When I can't hear him I say...WHAT GOD!!!? Yep that's what I do."
My son...as I'm sure most of you know is not a naturally quite and still child...as I'm sure most are not. I decided though through my own difficulties in doing so that a lesson in the importance of stillness was needed...for all of us. So often the noise of the day to day can deafen our ears to the one voice we need to hear above all the rest. To often I let the voices of the "well intentioned" crowd my mind with all their unnecessary static. I forget sometimes that I am loved by someone so perfectly and without condition. I am loved by someone who knows my faults and weaknesses better then anyone else and loves me still. It is his voice that speaks the one and only truth and it is his truth that I need to hear.
As a mother I have found myself trying to yell over all the noise. It is hard at times to quite my daily anger and frustration. I also began to not allow the necessary moments of stillness to enter my day. As I started to see how this was effecting my children I knew it was time to make a change and so I prayed...
Lord, Speak to me through all the noise, through all the criticism, through all the opinions. Lord let your voice speak louder then all the rest. Lord let my example be that of what you desire it to be. Lord quite this anger inside of me. Lord it is my prayer that I would find a quite time for you each day. A time when I can be quite and can be still. Lord let my ears and heart be open to what it is you have to say. Lord help me to speak softly to my children and to listen to their small voices as they are telling me what they want me to hear. Lord I pray that you may also quite the anger and frustration of my children. Help them to grow as I do. Lord help our daily practice of quieting our minds become something we do without thinking. Lord help us to find the peace that can only truly be found while being still and resting in your gentle and loving spirit. I thank you Lord for listening to what it is that I need to say. I love you Lord. Amen

thankful

"I am thankful that I love my Mama and I am thankful when my Mama plays with me"-Jonah Julius

man to man

While passing by the kitchen last night I spotted my husband and my son having what looked to be a very serious conversation. I decided to stay back and listen in. As I listened I heard Joel ask "Jonah...What do men do when the are being spoken to". Jonah lifted his head and replied "They look each other in the eye". In that moment I realized that while there are many lessons I could teach my son as his Mother some lessons can only truly be taught by his Father...man to man. I began to wonder what other lessons were being taught while "no one" else was around to hear. I wondered but decided not to ask. After all the lesson was never truly intended for my ears to hear...of course that doesn't mean I wont on occasion try and listen in and to watch carefully as my little boy changes into the man his Father taught him to be.

just a simple day

Today...although not perfect...was a day of simple pleasures...dress up, craft time, baking, and lots of dancing. I feel so blessed to have two children I love filling my day up with and am trying to remember how much of a blessing it is that in this phase of their lives they still enjoy filling up their day with me. It was just another simple day enjoyed by all...just the way I like it. I hope you all enjoy what is left of your weekend.

Tomorrow

Today I have been thinking about the popular phrase "live your life as though it were your last". Doing the things that you have always wanted to do, saying things that you have always wanted to say...living your life as one big adventure. I know the concept of this phrase is great. I mean how wonderful to be able to live so spontaneously but the reality is no one can really live there life spending time only doing the things that they want to do. Our days are all filled with things that we just have to do...as a matter of survival. So I began thinking, if this was truly my last ordinary no thrills kind of day would I be satisfied with how I choose to live it. So often I find myself putting off simple things. Tomorrow I will take the kids for a walk, or take them to the zoo. Tomorrow I will spend more time playing with them, teaching them...tomorrow...I can do it all tomorrow. I do realize that one can only fit so much in a day but it really got me thinking of what I was starting to fill that day up with. Again back to the wasted time. Am I so certain of what tomorrow will bring that I have become careless with the time that has been brought to me today. God has promised me no set time on earth and no set time in which I will have with my children. I know it is not often the happiest thing to think about but the reality that tomorrow may not come sometimes is only truly realized from someone that has experienced such a tragedy first hand. I thank God that such a tragedy has not occurred in my life but it is something that is ever present in my mind as I watch over my children. My husband often tells me that I think of these things to often and perhaps I do. My goal is not to live my life in fear of what tomorrow brings but to learn to fill my day with all the ordinary simple pleasures I can. To spend each spare moment that I can with my family. To embrace the life I have been given and remember what a blessing it truly is. To live my life in a way that is pleasing to God so when that day does come and I have lived my last today I can hear...well done...and know that I did all that I could do...today.

time wasted

Today has been a day of many battles. A battle to listen, to obey and for me a battle of patience. As I embraced my son after scolding him for what at this moment I couldn't even tell you I found myself not wanting to let go. All in one moment the anxiety of how quickly life was passing by hit me right in the pit of my stomach. These moments for me seem to come most often when I feel that I have had a selfish and self serving day. Oh how I had wished that I spent more time today meeting his needs. His need for guidance, his need for affection, his need for reassurance...needs that I know I felt short of today. Because of the daily needs that life also brings...clean home, clothes mended, bills paid...the needs of my children often get put on the bottom of my list. The realization of the time I had wasted caused me to tear up. As I tried to hold back those tears my sensitive little boy noticed that I was upset. I told him that I was feeling bad about the time that I had spent with him today (or lack there of) and that I was also sad about how quickly that time can be lost. He let me know that he could not stop growing because that, he said, was how God made him. He made him to grow and grow. I wish that a daily reminder for me to slow down and enjoy life moments wasn't needed but such is my life at this point in time.
Lord help me to be daily present in my children's lives...both in body and in mind. Lord as my children grow and grow I pray that I too will continue to grow and grow along beside them. Thank you Lord for you patience, your guidance your reassurance and your daily presence in my life. Amen

Annah Jewel

I remember soon after Annah was born my Dad referring to her as the calm before the storm. He said this because of the storm that happened the evening Annah was born but it soon took on another meaning for me during the next few months. Annah was such a wonderful blessing to our family. She was just what we needed...as easy as they come which was great because everything else for me seemed to get so much harder. Jonah loved his sister from the very beginning. He spent a lot of time just being near her. Although his love for her was great he struggled to find his new place in the family...his new place as the big brother. As time went on adjustments were made and Jonah once again became that happy little boy I knew. Annah unlike her older brother took her time entering into each new phase of her little life. She always seemed to be content in being wherever it was we wanted her to be. She was such a sweet little baby. But as she grew and developed her own voice it became clear that she like the rest of us has her limits. You know the saying that girls are made with sugar and spice...yes sweet and sassy...that pretty much sums up my precious little girl. I guess out of survival she had to developed some sort of defense against her big brother who sometimes forgot just how much smaller she really was. I would say now I fear more for Jonah then I do for Annah. Perhaps her personality will be much like the way she entered the world...first there is the calm and then...if pushed to far...the storm. I cannot wait to hear more of what Annah has to say and to watch her grow into the young lady that God has created her to be. My beautiful Annah Jewel...

Jonah Julius

From the first moment I felt my son moving around inside me I knew what kind of child he was going to be. I knew this because once he began moving around he never stopped. I began to think that he never slept. He was always pushing and kicking as though he was trying to find a way out and eventually he did. The first moment I saw my sweet baby boy it was one of the most surreal experiences of my life. My doctor had warned me that he may be small due to my small size during the pregnancy so when she held up my 8 pound 3 ounce 21 and half inch long baby I was somewhat taken back. This also may have been because of the head full of blond hair again a surprise due to the fact that both Joel and I have dark hair. Yes Jonah did not look at all what I had expected but he was so beautiful. From the second she laid him in my arms I had an immediate desire to nurture and protect. A desire I thanked God for since the reality is that this feeling is not as immediate to every women. Of course there were plenty of new Mom moments full of anxiety and fear but through them all God gave me the strength and wisdom I needed. I am so grateful that God hears the desperate cries for help in the middle of the night...both from me and I'm sure from my new little baby. As Jonah grew it seemed like he was doing it all at an incredible speed. I guess staying true to what I had already come to believe about him. He began speaking at 5 months, started taking steps at 6 months and by month 7 he was off and running. Jonah's first sentence at 10 months was "Open the door." Already he was ready to find what was waiting for him behind the next door. Jonahs enthusiasm for living life and determination to find out what all it has to offer has not slowed down. It is hard for me at times to keep up. I know that God has an amazing adventure planned for my son and I feel so blessed to be able to be a part of it.