a mother in the ministry

As a young child my life was often bombarded by expectations and surrounded by opinions. I often felt studied by people I would be introduced to. It seemed that because my Grandfather was the Minister at the Church my family attended and had been for many years this was to be...expected. I was well versed in the importance of "unoffensive" conversation. To protect an-others feelings while leaving myself open and vulnerable to their judgment and criticism.There was a point in my life where I became very bitter and resentful of the life that in my mind had been chosen for me.Only now as an adult have I been truly able to appreciate the value in the lessons I learned from my family and from the "standards" I was meant to uphold. I can see now how God was conditioning my heart for what was to come in my life...a continuation of life in the ministry.
From the beginning I knew of my husbands passion for the Camping Ministry. The reality of it in it's entirety was a bit overwhelming to me at first. I guess I saw myself back into the position I was in as a child. I understood what ministry could do to the families that were involved in it. I understood the kinds of sacrifices that we would be expected to make. I understood that the ministry is about so much more then what people see you doing on a daily basis...and now...I would find myself serving beside my husband in a ministry where the daily responsibilities and duties are even less understood.
 Although I love being the "Camp Managers Wife" AKA "Joel's Wife" the title really doesn't come with a clearer job description...however it does seem to come with it's own expectations. These undefined expectations often create a ministry that can be somewhat hard to navigate. I have gotten lost so many times in my life as I tried to find my own way...my own voice...my own role in a ministry I had been brought into. I do want to say that I feel incredibly blessed to be a part of the Camping Ministry and I am so grateful that my husband obediently followed where God wanted to lead him....even with my resistance. I thank God for the peace and contentment that I now feel in my heart knowing that this too is where he wants me to be. I continue to pray for God's guidance as I still am trying to find my way, my limits, and my place in this ministry. 
 Going back to my own childhood in the ministry I can remember the incredible load my Grandmother happily carried as "The Preacher's Wife". She was involved in...well... I think just about everything. Her day was full of volunteering, visiting, providing meals, providing support, and showing Gods love through her beautiful humble spirit. I will have to admit now that the fact that she was so loved and needed by many did not always bring me the amount of happiness perhaps it should have. I would cringe when I would hear another child call her Grandma....She was mine....and I didn't want to share her with...well...everyone. There were very few moments that I felt that I could truly say I had her all to myself. Perhaps it was my attitude that needed adjusted but the past experience has caused me to look at my own identity in the ministry and my identity outside of it. It has caused me to be more conscious and aware of what I allow into my life knowing that I can only hold so much and it has also caused me to always try to remember what I am not willing to let go of.
As a mother to two young children I feel that my most important ministry now is to love and nurture them the way that God has called me to. I have already witnessed in my life how quickly this ministry to my children can be neglected in sacrifice for another. I will confess that I have allowed this to happen more than I ever should have. I have been trying more and more to watch and to see just how my children are affected by their own little lives in the ministry. I am watching to see how they handle being "A Family on Call". How are they dealing with the sacrifices? Of course being their mother I want to protect and shield them from all that I can but how will I protect them from the judgment they may receive. Will I too teach them the art of unoffensive conversation as a means to avoid confrontation? Should I make them painfully aware of the "expectations" that have been set? I have started to realize just how different things look through the eyes of a parent in the ministry then the eyes of a child....and so I pray...
God, I thank you so much for this opportunity to serve. It has filled my life with so much joy. I thank you for your patience and your guidance. I thank you Lord for the strength of my husband and for his example. I pray Lord that you will continue to let me see where it is you want me to go. I pray Lord for my children. I pray for their protection. I thank you Lord for their resilience. I pray that you will continue to give me the wisdom I need to be a mother in the ministry...amen