a mother in the ministry

As a young child my life was often bombarded by expectations and surrounded by opinions. I often felt studied by people I would be introduced to. It seemed that because my Grandfather was the Minister at the Church my family attended and had been for many years this was to be...expected. I was well versed in the importance of "unoffensive" conversation. To protect an-others feelings while leaving myself open and vulnerable to their judgment and criticism.There was a point in my life where I became very bitter and resentful of the life that in my mind had been chosen for me.Only now as an adult have I been truly able to appreciate the value in the lessons I learned from my family and from the "standards" I was meant to uphold. I can see now how God was conditioning my heart for what was to come in my life...a continuation of life in the ministry.
From the beginning I knew of my husbands passion for the Camping Ministry. The reality of it in it's entirety was a bit overwhelming to me at first. I guess I saw myself back into the position I was in as a child. I understood what ministry could do to the families that were involved in it. I understood the kinds of sacrifices that we would be expected to make. I understood that the ministry is about so much more then what people see you doing on a daily basis...and now...I would find myself serving beside my husband in a ministry where the daily responsibilities and duties are even less understood.
 Although I love being the "Camp Managers Wife" AKA "Joel's Wife" the title really doesn't come with a clearer job description...however it does seem to come with it's own expectations. These undefined expectations often create a ministry that can be somewhat hard to navigate. I have gotten lost so many times in my life as I tried to find my own way...my own voice...my own role in a ministry I had been brought into. I do want to say that I feel incredibly blessed to be a part of the Camping Ministry and I am so grateful that my husband obediently followed where God wanted to lead him....even with my resistance. I thank God for the peace and contentment that I now feel in my heart knowing that this too is where he wants me to be. I continue to pray for God's guidance as I still am trying to find my way, my limits, and my place in this ministry. 
 Going back to my own childhood in the ministry I can remember the incredible load my Grandmother happily carried as "The Preacher's Wife". She was involved in...well... I think just about everything. Her day was full of volunteering, visiting, providing meals, providing support, and showing Gods love through her beautiful humble spirit. I will have to admit now that the fact that she was so loved and needed by many did not always bring me the amount of happiness perhaps it should have. I would cringe when I would hear another child call her Grandma....She was mine....and I didn't want to share her with...well...everyone. There were very few moments that I felt that I could truly say I had her all to myself. Perhaps it was my attitude that needed adjusted but the past experience has caused me to look at my own identity in the ministry and my identity outside of it. It has caused me to be more conscious and aware of what I allow into my life knowing that I can only hold so much and it has also caused me to always try to remember what I am not willing to let go of.
As a mother to two young children I feel that my most important ministry now is to love and nurture them the way that God has called me to. I have already witnessed in my life how quickly this ministry to my children can be neglected in sacrifice for another. I will confess that I have allowed this to happen more than I ever should have. I have been trying more and more to watch and to see just how my children are affected by their own little lives in the ministry. I am watching to see how they handle being "A Family on Call". How are they dealing with the sacrifices? Of course being their mother I want to protect and shield them from all that I can but how will I protect them from the judgment they may receive. Will I too teach them the art of unoffensive conversation as a means to avoid confrontation? Should I make them painfully aware of the "expectations" that have been set? I have started to realize just how different things look through the eyes of a parent in the ministry then the eyes of a child....and so I pray...
God, I thank you so much for this opportunity to serve. It has filled my life with so much joy. I thank you for your patience and your guidance. I thank you Lord for the strength of my husband and for his example. I pray Lord that you will continue to let me see where it is you want me to go. I pray Lord for my children. I pray for their protection. I thank you Lord for their resilience. I pray that you will continue to give me the wisdom I need to be a mother in the ministry...amen

through their eyes

 "Mom come look." "Yes I see Jonah" "No Mom come look with your eyes" "I am looking with my eyes" "No, Mom, you need to come here and look at it in the same way my eyes are looking at it."
 It is hard to imagine what the world must look like to my children. Thinking back on my own childhood I can remember how even the smallest of things became big and magical with just a bit of imagination. An old abandoned barn became my "Castle" and an apple tree become my "Neverland Hideaway". As an adult I have found myself restricted by the reality of my day. I forget how important it is for me to take time to enter the worlds my children often create for themselves. So often I neglect to find time to just put aside all the other things I need to be in my day and just play the role they choose for me...whether that is a "Cowgirl from Texas"  or the "Queen Mother of a beautiful Princess ". It is amazing to me the "magic" that happens when I just allow them to have all the creative control of whatever game they wish to play.
 I truly want "...to go as far as my child's imagination will take me..."...To just let go and see where I will land. To let go of all the burdens of my day and just let their "dreams" carry me away. To remember the freedom that can be found in letting go of your inhibitions. To see the incredible excitement shared by my children as I join in on their adventures. To see...to really see...for even a moment...what the world looks like...through their eyes....
And so I pray...
 Lord, Thank you for the moments that I get to look at the world through the eyes of my children. Thank you for their beautiful imaginations. I pray that you will continue to remind me how important it is for me to take time out of my reality and enter into a far less stressful place...one that my children have created to share with me. I love you Lord...Amen

ordinary miracle: charlotte's web

It's not that usual when everything is beautiful
It's just another ordinary miracle today

The sky knows when its time to snow
You don't need to teach a seed to grow
It's just another ordinary miracle today

Life is like a gift they say
Wrapped up for you everyday
Open up and find a way
To give some of your own

Isn't it remarkable?
Like every time a raindrop falls
It's just another ordinary miracle today

Birds in winter have their fling
And always make it home by spring
It's just another ordinary miracle today

When you wake up everyday
Please don't throw your dreams away
Hold them close to your heart
Cause we are all a part
Of the ordinary miracle

Ordinary miracle
Do you want to see a miracle?

Its seems so exceptional
Things just work out after all
It's just another ordinary miracle today

The sun comes up and shines so bright
It disappears again at night
It's just another ordinary miracle today

It's just another ordinary miracle today

worshiping in the sunshine

As I was cleaning up the kitchen I heard my son shouting in the living room. "I love it...I love it...Thank you God for giving me this beautiful sunshine!" As I entered the room I saw him dancing in a stream of sunshine from our large window. I asked him what he was doing. "I'm thanking God for the sunshine that I love so very much. That's what you are suppose to do when you love something...and then God makes it even more beautiful. See... He made it so beautiful just for me...Look...Look."I stood there...still...knowing that God once again was teaching me through the faith and innocence of my child's words. I could not remember the last time that I was so truly grateful that I let God's love and light fill me up and rejoiced in it...even danced in it. When was the last time that I stopped and worshiped in all the goodness he has surrounded me with in my life? It was then that I lifted my hands high with tears pouring out and began to pray...Thank you God for giving me this beautiful child...I love him...I love him...Thank you for making him so beautiful...just for me...Amen.