a work in progress

 I know we have all either heard it being said or have said it ourselves "At least my child isn't that bad." Although I believe in the importance of gaining perspective on the obvious normality of our own child's less then perfect behavior it is also important for us to gain a little more understanding of one another. We are often blinded by a child's worst attribute and are unable to see what truly makes them who they are. It is as though we have begun to look at each others children as finished products...no room for improvement or room for growth. I overheard a Mother one time being asked for parenting advise. She responded by telling them to ask her again when she was "done". This to me was amongst one of the wisest responses that I had ever heard and was so inspiring to me. Who knows what our "tireless" efforts and "unwavering" persistence will bring us. They have yet to become what it is they were meant to be...who we helped to create them to be...And just like every work of art they will be appreciated by many but unfortunately they will also continue to encounter the "critics". 
Recently I heard a message that was spoken by a man I have an incredible amount of love and respect for. In his message he spoke of the importance of building relationships with one another. He gave an example of how a parent might be resistant to hear "advice" from someone who had not shown any other interest outside of their apparent disapproval of how their child was being raised. He encouraged them to take the time to reach out and truly get to know those families. In reality you might come to realize that they may not be in need of starting over with an entirely different way of doing things but may need love and encouragement as they they finish out what they already started. And with your investment in time you may also gain a sudden realization that the once "disobedient", "rebellious", and seemingly "out of control" child is more than just that. As meaningful moments are shared you can also see how small and insignificant in comparison their worst moments really were.
 As a Mother to a very active strong willed and spirited little boy I indeed get to witness first hand what it feels like to receive those disapproving glances and "helpful" remarks. I can tell you that I am well aware of the trouble my son can find himself in. I live it...everyday. I can also tell you that the last thing an exhausted Mother wants to hear in the midst of trying to correct a behaivor is that there is a "better" way to take care of it. What may be equaling irritating to me is the incredible urge people seem to have to step in and speak over any message that I may have been trying to communicate. It almost feels as though they thought that my parenting needed to be corrected along side of my child's behaivor. I do have to say that their confidence in their own parenting capabilities is somewhat inspirational. I cannot imagine feeling as though I knew enough about the world of parenting that I would be able to diagnose every child's apparent default and feel as though I could fix what their parent was unable to. Reality however would say that in fact the parent....the one that gets to spend each and every moment with their child...the good the bad and ugly...may have a greater understanding of what their child needs...and...what they don't...like a lecture from a stranger;)

  I hope that someday we will realize that although we may feel as though our child isn't as bad as another the fact of the matter is that I am sure someone else doesn't think so. It is a cruel reality. We are all looking for ways to make ourselves feel better about the choices we have made. We all seem to be in competition in a loosing game. We all are works in progress...we all have room to grow...and areas to learn in. None of us...no matter how "confident", knowledgeable or experienced... have the capability to raise perfect human beings. So perhaps the next time you see "someone elses" child running away from their parents in rebellion or are throwing themselves down on the ground out of protest you will choose to look beyond the current behavior and begin to see a possibility...an investment in your time....And so I pray...
Lord, I just love you so much. You always look at me with love and it is so comforting to know that no matter my weakness you will be there to give me the strength I need to get through it. Lord I thank you for my children. They are so beautiful and I feel so blessed to get to see the gifts they truly are. Lord I pray that you will allow me the courage to communicate to others when I feel as though their comments have been cruel and unjust. Help me Lord to say it with love and with patience. I pray Lord that you will continue to keep my eyes wide open to the reality that I too can find myself being judgmental. I pray that you will continue to work in my life and help me to overcome any tendencies to do so. Thank you Lord...for all you do...Amen