an inheritance

 When we look at our children it is clear to see the physical inheritance that we have passed on to them. Our eyes our nose our smile. What might not be as easy to see at times is the emotional and behavioral inheritance that is given to our children...with or without the intent to have given it in the first place. It would seem that what may be apparent to most is harder for us to see because in truth it might not be something we want to look at. Of course this does not mean that all our "quirks" and "traits" that we may have unintentionally passed on are unappealing but it seems to be the worst of these that we most often stare blindly at. It is without a doubt difficult to view the reflection of our weaknesses in the eyes and lives of our children. Unfortunately for most, not only is the appearance of this inherited behavior displeasing but the amount of guilt that is often felt when realized is overwhelming. It can even leave you feeling helpless knowing that you must now try and correct in them what you have been unable to do in your own life.
  Recently my eyes have been opened to the reflection of one of my own weaknesses in my children's lives.  I have come to realize that my lack of censoring has caused a certain exposure to a specific way of thinking. With every day "adult" conversation I am unintentionally "telling" and "showing" my children how they should respond to offense, to anger, to stress, to frustration. They hear everything...my language, my tone of voice...and so when I hear my son speaking emotionally and even aggressively I think to myself...Shame on me...Shame on me for not paying more attention to the example I was setting...but now...to avoid passing on yet another unsightly trait (self persecution) I need to now shake off the shame and begin teaching my children how to overcome our weaknesses...together.
  As I have mentioned in posts before I also have my fair share of fears. I have also come to realize that fear also seems to be one of those things we find ourselves gifting without the intention to do so. It is something that is hard to hide from them. The intense need to protect our children often leaves our everyday fears about life exposed. I believe we often allow our children to have what may seem like to others as irrational fears because to us...they seem...well...rational. For some...they are okay with their children being afraid of heights because in reality they would prefer them to be on the ground...where in their minds...it is safe...they are safe. There is a certain amount of control that is felt when we know that our children are to afraid to try what we are petrified of seeing them do. We often use it as a means of setting boundaries but what really we have created is an emotional barrier for them to one day try to get through.  

  Becoming more aware of the inheritance that I was leaving my children has caused me to look at my behavior in a whole new way. The impact of my "choices" is to great to ignore. I want them to see what was given to them as a gift not a burden. But even with making certain changes in my life I do know that history shows that every child...no matter how great and wonderful their inheritance may have been...can always find something to blame on their parents...and we all know history always repeats itself;) ....And so I pray
  Lord, I thank you for all the times you have opened my eyes to my weaknesses. I thank you for your forgiveness. I pray Lord that you will continue to keep my eyes open so I can continue to see the impact that they will make on my children. I love you Lord....Amen

a work in progress

 I know we have all either heard it being said or have said it ourselves "At least my child isn't that bad." Although I believe in the importance of gaining perspective on the obvious normality of our own child's less then perfect behavior it is also important for us to gain a little more understanding of one another. We are often blinded by a child's worst attribute and are unable to see what truly makes them who they are. It is as though we have begun to look at each others children as finished products...no room for improvement or room for growth. I overheard a Mother one time being asked for parenting advise. She responded by telling them to ask her again when she was "done". This to me was amongst one of the wisest responses that I had ever heard and was so inspiring to me. Who knows what our "tireless" efforts and "unwavering" persistence will bring us. They have yet to become what it is they were meant to be...who we helped to create them to be...And just like every work of art they will be appreciated by many but unfortunately they will also continue to encounter the "critics". 
Recently I heard a message that was spoken by a man I have an incredible amount of love and respect for. In his message he spoke of the importance of building relationships with one another. He gave an example of how a parent might be resistant to hear "advice" from someone who had not shown any other interest outside of their apparent disapproval of how their child was being raised. He encouraged them to take the time to reach out and truly get to know those families. In reality you might come to realize that they may not be in need of starting over with an entirely different way of doing things but may need love and encouragement as they they finish out what they already started. And with your investment in time you may also gain a sudden realization that the once "disobedient", "rebellious", and seemingly "out of control" child is more than just that. As meaningful moments are shared you can also see how small and insignificant in comparison their worst moments really were.
 As a Mother to a very active strong willed and spirited little boy I indeed get to witness first hand what it feels like to receive those disapproving glances and "helpful" remarks. I can tell you that I am well aware of the trouble my son can find himself in. I live it...everyday. I can also tell you that the last thing an exhausted Mother wants to hear in the midst of trying to correct a behaivor is that there is a "better" way to take care of it. What may be equaling irritating to me is the incredible urge people seem to have to step in and speak over any message that I may have been trying to communicate. It almost feels as though they thought that my parenting needed to be corrected along side of my child's behaivor. I do have to say that their confidence in their own parenting capabilities is somewhat inspirational. I cannot imagine feeling as though I knew enough about the world of parenting that I would be able to diagnose every child's apparent default and feel as though I could fix what their parent was unable to. Reality however would say that in fact the parent....the one that gets to spend each and every moment with their child...the good the bad and ugly...may have a greater understanding of what their child needs...and...what they don't...like a lecture from a stranger;)

  I hope that someday we will realize that although we may feel as though our child isn't as bad as another the fact of the matter is that I am sure someone else doesn't think so. It is a cruel reality. We are all looking for ways to make ourselves feel better about the choices we have made. We all seem to be in competition in a loosing game. We all are works in progress...we all have room to grow...and areas to learn in. None of us...no matter how "confident", knowledgeable or experienced... have the capability to raise perfect human beings. So perhaps the next time you see "someone elses" child running away from their parents in rebellion or are throwing themselves down on the ground out of protest you will choose to look beyond the current behavior and begin to see a possibility...an investment in your time....And so I pray...
Lord, I just love you so much. You always look at me with love and it is so comforting to know that no matter my weakness you will be there to give me the strength I need to get through it. Lord I thank you for my children. They are so beautiful and I feel so blessed to get to see the gifts they truly are. Lord I pray that you will allow me the courage to communicate to others when I feel as though their comments have been cruel and unjust. Help me Lord to say it with love and with patience. I pray Lord that you will continue to keep my eyes wide open to the reality that I too can find myself being judgmental. I pray that you will continue to work in my life and help me to overcome any tendencies to do so. Thank you Lord...for all you do...Amen

melancholy

 I must say I have been truly struggling to write lately. I was able to start many posts but found myself unable to complete them. I have allowed my spirits to get low and my creativity to run dry. I wouldn't say there has been a particular reason for it but somehow I have found myself feeling a bit humdrum...a bit...melancholy. My motivation to yank myself out of this funk has been lacking as well. It is not as if I enjoy feeling this way but am struggling to find the energy I need to make a change. I have found myself just simply going through the motions of my day...with out thought...with out much care. Simple interruptions of my day have been unwelcome and have caused a great amount of irritation. 'Can't they see I'm just trying to get through this?' Instead of just simply asking for help I decided to instead enter my daily chores with bitterness and even resentment. I guess you could say...in truth...I have been feeling sorry for myself.  It is so frustrating finding myself back to this frame of mind time and time again.
There is a song by a musician that I love that has been popping into my mind as I begrudgingly go about my day. A piece of one of the lines from the song seemed to fit my current mood...and it goes 'We all know someone who’s always hurtin’ The sun is shining...they draw the curtain....' That was me. Somehow at some point I decided to shut out the light and go sit and pout in the dark. Of course looking at it now my behavior seems ridiculous...even childish.
 So what do you do when you have realized that you have just wasted a good amount of time on making yourself feel unhappy?  I guess since there was no true reason for it in the first place the answer should be simple. Laugh it off and move on. There is another line to the song I had mentioned before that I believe will become my mantra for the next few days...and it says 'I keep on laughing to keep from crying . I keep on dreaming to keep from dying. I keep on trying. Ain’t gonna stop. Get right down to the bottom of the barrel. And then you float back on top'  So here's to gettin down and risin up....and so I pray...
 Lord, How silly I must look to you at times. Like an unruly child I have shut out your light and sat in my own darkness. Please forgive me Lord for wasting all that precious time on myself. I pray that you will help me to shed this shadow of "depression" and shine my light. I love you so much Lord....Amen

Happy Birthday Dr. Seuss

"You'll get mixed up, of course, as you already know. You'll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go. So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact and remember that Life's a Great Balancing Act. Just never forget to be dexterous and deft. And never mix up your right foot with your left."
— Dr. Seuss (Oh, the Places You'll Go!)